07 September 2011

Sometimes I don't know what to think. 

Do I love my friends, or do I feel abandoned by them? 
Do I miss them or am I glad to kind of have a chance to move on? 
Am I looking forward to my future, or dreading it?

My goals for the next few months include getting a tattoo, getting my driver's license, getting a job (or two), and figure out what the heck I want to do with my life. I feel like every option I want is closed to me. Or it's a lifetime of work away - I'd need to work for years before I could save up and move out and do what I want. Sometimes I'm excited that now is the time of my life where I get to do what I want - I have time to research things I like and watch movies and learn to cook. I get to learn to be at least somewhat independent, whenever I finally get a license and a job. 
On the other hand, that terrifies me, because I can't see that anything I could do now would be worth anything at all. When I get my license, I have to start paying for insurance. Any money I get from any job I get is going to go to bills and necessities (and, if we're being honest, probably to music, too). Isn't this time of my life supposed to be fun? I only see it as more and more being piled on my shoulders, and I don't have anyone to share the burden with.

I guess this is all on my mind because over the weekend my aunt and I were talking about things I could do with my future. None of them sound that bad, really. She said maybe I should look into teaching for homeschool groups, like a writing class or art class. It sounds pretty cool, but it's hard to figure how to get started without starting in the negatives. 
Oh well. It all comes out in the wash, right? The best I can do is to do.


1 comment:

Anna Hull said...

Sometimes I feel like that is all of life - asking those questions and still freaking out about "being an adult." I'm not sure when one magically "figures out" adulthood, but most people I know haven't either, so I feel safe in that. =) Sometimes I think the "fun" of this time in life can also be a bit about learning to survive. Learning to be creative about what food you buy to cook so that you don't spend too much money or getting your friends to experiment with weird things like stopping using all hair products and washing your hair with baking soda (yes, I got Julia to do that with me). They sound crazy, but sometimes I think those can be fun too.

As far as how to get started out in all of that... I have no idea. I'm still trying to figure that out myself.